


an Arrangement at Hogwarts

by marginaliana



Category: Good Omens (TV), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 2: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Gen, Parseltongue, Snake!Crowley - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23312593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marginaliana/pseuds/marginaliana
Summary: There was a voice. Not the same one as before, not the alarming one, but similar. Harry stopped in his tracks, cocking his head to one side, listening. The voice seemed… irritable.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 219





	an Arrangement at Hogwarts

There was a voice. Not the same one as before, not the alarming one, but similar. Harry stopped in his tracks, cocking his head to one side, listening. The voice seemed… irritable.

_"'Go to Scotland,' he says. 'It's lovely in the autumn,' he says. As if being lovely can make up for all this bloody frost."_

"Hello?" said Harry.

_"And now I have to slither around this drafty old pile of rocks looking for one human out of thousands, as if anyone can tell them apart. And—"_

"Excuse me!" said Harry, because if there was one thing he would defend, it was Hogwarts. "It's not a drafty old pile of rocks. It's Hogwarts!"

Ron and Hermione had stopped too, looking confused. "Harry—" said Hermione.

_"Don't care,"_ said the voice. _"It's all rocks to me."_

"Harry, what are you doing?" said Ron. 

"Telling this berk where to—"

"But there's no one here," Hermione said.

"Maybe he's a ghost or something," Harry said. "Can't you hear him?"

"No," Hermione said. "All I can hear is you hissing."

"Er, what?" Harry said.

"You're not speaking English, mate," said Ron. "It's just… hissing. And it's a bit bloody weird, if you don't mind me saying so."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Are you a ghost or what?" he asked, turning back to the area where the voice had come from. "If you're looking for someone, maybe we can help."

_"I am not,"_ the voice said, obviously offended, _"a ghost."_

There was a thin grinding noise as a few of the stones at the base of the wall pushed forward and slid apart. Harry stepped back in alarm, but relaxed when he saw that it was only a snake.

"All right," he said. "You're not a ghost."

"Thank you very much for accepting the obvious," the snake said, with a roll of its eyes.

Behind Harry, Ron made a sort of whimpering noise. "Snake," he said. "Harry, talking to snakes is _really_ not good."

"Oh yeah," Harry said to the snake. "Apparently we're speaking some sort of snake language," he said. "Can you speak English? For my friends, I mean."

The snake looked at him sourly, then said, "I sssupposssse I can make the effort." Both Ron and Hermione reared back. 

"It talks!" Ron said.

Now it was Hermione's turn to roll her eyes. "Of course it talks, Ron. Harry was just talking to it!"

"Well, he could have gone barmy," Ron said. "Or worse."

"Cheers," said Harry. He turned huffily back to the snake. "You said you were looking for someone," he said. "Is it Snape? He's got long greasy hair and he's nasty and he looks like a gigantic bat."

"Eurgh," said the snake. "No, thanks. Why did you suggest him?"

"Thought you might be looking for someone to eat," Harry said, "and no one would miss him."

"Harry!" said Hermione, but the snake was laughing.

"I like you, ssssnake-sspeaker," it said. "But I'm not hungry. I'm just here to do a good deed… for a friend, of course."

"Of course," Harry said. "So, who is it?"

"There is a girl," the snake said. "Young. Red hair."

Ron stiffened. "Oi!"

"Relaxxx," the snake said, rolling its eyes. "I'm not here for her. Sssshe's got an artifact, that's all. Nasssty little thing. Just need to sssteal it off her and everything will go right back to normal. Ssshe'll be entirely tickety boo."

There was something in the way the snake said 'tickety boo' that tugged at Harry's chest. It was mocking, but fond. He trusted it even without knowing why.

He cast Ron a look.

"What's this artifact, then?" Ron asked, without nodding.

"It'ssss a book," said the snake. "Little black book. A diary."

"You… you want to steal my sister's diary?" Ron said. 

"Ron…" said Hermione.

Ron ignored her. "You want to steal my sister's diary," he said again, and then he laughed and said, "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go find it!"


End file.
